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Friday, October 24, 2014

New, But Not Innovative

I received an email yesterday so brazen and cynical in its scope that it left me briefly stunned.  It begins:
Just in time for the holiday season, Guinness introduces the perfect option for beer connoisseurs and enthusiasts alike with Guinness The 1759, a limited edition ultra-premium amber ale. [Their bold.]
Source: CNBC
In this one sentence are two fascinating details: 1) the name of Diageo's latest is "Guinness The 1759," which I think must be bizarre even in Irish-English, and 2) Diageo announces a category heretofore unknown to beer drinkers, "ultra-premium amber ale."  Surely this must augur even more fascinating details?  It does!  Carrying on:
This latest innovation from Guinness brings artistry and elegance to the beer category by combining  the famous Guinness yeast with both traditional beer malt and peated whisky malt – the very same used in the world’s most deluxe Scotch and Irish Whiskies - for smooth and quality tasting beer.
You know something deeply suspicious is afoot when the fifth-largest drinks company claims to be "innovating," and suspicions mount when the reader discovers that peated malt seems to be the sole innovation.  Let's hold our horses, though--something more must be on the way, right?  Glad you asked:
This unique beer is the first from Guinness that uses a cage and cork mechanism to seal the bottle (typically used with champagne) and packaged in a stylish back velvet lined gift box.  Only 90,000 bottles will be produced, which makes this commemorative release the chance to be part of Guinness’ brewing history.
Wonderful!  In addition to the extremely rare use of whisky malt*, this "unique" ale will be packaged in the same manner as Champagne!  And sold in a gift box!  And will be sold in small quantities for no other reason than to justify an obscene sticker price!  (Thirty five bones.  And so you know that this beer will retain its exclusive, just-for-the-one-percent cachet, Guinness brand manager Doug Campbell promises that "We will brew it one time only and basically throw away the recipe afterward."  Which is quite a statement, given that Diageo also claims the beer is based on a 200-year-old recipe.  Once they're done with this beer, they're throwing out all the old log books!)  But wait, can there be even more?  Yes:
This is the first offering of the new Guinness Signature Series™ which offers a range of limited edition luxury beers. This series gives beer drinkers more options for different occasions, from fine dining to exquisite gifting.   
"Which is to say this isn't rare or special at all, just the first in a series of scams we plan to run on what we imagine are endlessly gullible rubes willing to fork over $35 for an amber ale."  (That last bit is, despite being in quotes, only what I imagine went through the email-writer's head as he put the finishing touches on things.)

This is probably the most shameless email I've ever received, and the beer is definitely in the chutzpah sweepstakes as well.  But this debacle isn't actually Diageo's fault.  It's the poison fruit of wildly over-priced craft beer--resulting from a combination of fan lust and brewer manipulation.  A company like Diageo, with a brand as valuable and important as Guinness, would be stupid not to play the same game.  It represents a moment of decadence inevitable with anything so heavily hyped.

It's a shame, too.  Some beer really is expensive to make and necessarily limited in quantity--Rodenbach, Cantillon, and Cascade (among many other fine and reputable American craft beers).  But you have to know something about beer to appreciate that, and in the not knowing, there is room for the unscrupulous to make quickie beers, pop them into a glitzy package, and jack the price up 500%. 
______________
*Not rare.

10 comments:

The Beer Nut said...

It's beer from a scotch company, hence the use of the definite article and, I guess, the peated malt. Oh, and the price tag. If, like many many Diageo customers, you think nothing of spunking $150 on a bottle of whisky then here's the beer you've been waiting for.

Alistair Reece said...

Did special edition beer just go mainstream?? They should take a leave out of Dark Lord Day and do a super special thingy for Arthur's Day.

Alistair Reece said...

or a leaf. oops. need a pint, one of those days.

Daniel Warner said...

It's not rare, but it's also disgusting. And ahistorical. There's no evidence that peated malt was *ever* used in Scotch or Irish ales until recent gimmick beers.

This just proves what I've said for a long time: Guinness is one of the three worst Irish exports, right behind James Joyce and Bono.

Jeff Alworth said...

Beer Nut, that must be the reasoning. But The Macallan is one thing, Guinness The 1759 is gibberish, dada, or unintentional satire.

Daniel, you're a better man than I for giving Diageo the benefit of the doubt on that 200-year-old recipe thing. It never occurred to me to take that seriously.

Oliver Gray said...

Not that I actually believe this will taste like scotch (no more than I believed the whiskey claims from Miller Fortune), but what about the fact that peated malt usually makes for really, really gross beer?

Craig said...

Amber ale? Seriously? Guinness has come to define stout*. Why get all fancy-dancy with an amber ale? That's kinda like Ferrari announcing it's releasing a pick-up truck.


*Regardless if you agree or not, most folks in the world associate stout with Guinness.

BILL said...

Wrong on James Joyce. Read Ulysses aloud while drinking Jamesons, Harp or whatever and you'll change your mind. To reapir the damage to your list add Sinead O'Connor.

The Beer Nut said...

Just the Cyclops episode, in fact. None of that French whiskey or English beer, though :P

Nick Gilling said...

You know it's just a marketing exercise when they use terms like "the beer category" and "exquisite gifting"

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