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Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Last Round Cures Hangovers? Not Really

Forget mousetraps. You want to get rich, find a cure for baldness, cellulite, or hangovers. These mountainous accomplishments would make Viagra look like the Kansas cornfields. It's impossible, of course--baldness, cellulite, and hangovers are part of the human condition. They are not solvable any more than the need for living humans to breathe. Yet still we have tonics, salves, and creams. I received a batch purporting to cure hangovers a few weeks ago from HerbaSway Laboratories. Biding my time until Oregon Craft Beer Month, I then put them through a rigorous clinical trial.

Last Round comes in 2.5-ounce bottles containing a solution of foul-tasting herbs, the scariest of which is Kudzu extract. Says HerbaSway: "You just down one before you go to bed – before a hangover sets in – and the all-natural herbal blend erases your “sins” by detoxifying and breaking down alcohol while you sleep. And when you wake up, you will actually feel good."

That kudzu is apparently the "active" ingredient--search the Google and you find stories about how this traditional hangover remedy from Asia deploys isoflavones to keep you daisy-fresh. Or something.

Anyway, in my own experiments, I was left with a foul taste in my mouth and no appreciable benefit in the morning. In fact, I felt worse than had I used my own remedy, a pint of Gatorade and Ibuprofen, which generally nips the worst trouble in the bud. The 2.5 ounces of liquid left me parched, and the kudzu worked no miracles. I awoke creased, creaky, and growning, feeling every bit my 40+ years. On the positive side, the kudzu didn't appear to kill me. So there's that.

A six-pack of bottles (the amount I received), sets you back $18, or the price of two Old Lompoc Bob's Memorial Braggots. One tastes horrible, the other sublime. Neither will make you feel very good in the morning. I'll allow you to draw your own conclusions about which is the better buy.

4 comments:

Jay Zeis said...

I too am a stag believer in the Gatorade remedy. Worked in college, works in post college

Rarian Rakista said...

I drink a glass of Chocolate Soy Milk and take a multivitamin, works for me. Of course, the most I drink is 4-5 beers at a time.

Adam said...

What is growning?

Anonymous said...

Security Feel Better is the only anti-hangover that actually works and tastes great!

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