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Friday, March 20, 2009

When Macros BS

So there I am, starting to relax as the Zags pull away from the plucky Akron Zips (Zips versus Zags--evidence someone in the NCAA selection committee has a sense of fun), and this abomination appears on my small, nearly-obsolete analog screen:

Actually, that's just a shorty version of the full commercial, available at the Miller Lite website. Let us pause for a moment to consider the brewing wisdom imparted by the Miller Corporation of bad beers by examining the text of the full commercial:
In the first step, our hops give Miller Lite a clean, distinctive pilsner flavor and aroma. So when you take that first sip, your taste buds are on their way to HAPPY TOWN. The second step: hops are added for balance, ensuring perfect body and hop taste in every beer. And we all know how much you appreciate a GOOD BODY. So you're welcome. In the third step, our hops add to Miller Lite's perfect head and lock in its great taste from start to finish. It also gives you a ROCKIN' BEER mustache.
Let us review. Hops: 1) give Miller Lite a distinctive pilsner flavor and aroma; 2) ensure perfect body; 3) add to a perfect head and "lock in" great taste.

Only in the PR conference rooms where young MBAs hatch bad commercials while sipping Chardonnay are these things true. Ghastly.


  1. This is utter crap!

    Typical advertising garbage. They assume the average Joe beer drinker doesn't know shit about beer except how to open the bottle... Hmmmm, they could be right!

    No brewery has just one hopping addition! Two to three is the norm. But, if the average beer drinker doesn't know any better.... ;-}

    Even wonder why televangelist collect so much money?

  2. They say they add the hops at three different times during the brew process...

    Either that means they wait a few minutes longer than a bud or coors.. or earlier..

    Or they could mean they soak the same 4 oz. of hops 3 times... but apart for each thousand barrels.. who knows and who cares! Begone Miller/Coors/Bud/Puke!

  3. That commercial really pisses me off.

    The only people who would be impressed by how much hopping you do is beer geeks, so they must be the target...

    ...but beer geeks know it is complete bullshit that there is anything resembling a hoppy taste in Miller Lite... the only possible target is morons. You could have used any word instead of hops, you could have said the beer has authentic German Grelnechhaus flavor and it would be just as effective.